


A Letter for the Dead

by LPuffin, voicelessVagabond



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:03:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LPuffin/pseuds/LPuffin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/voicelessVagabond/pseuds/voicelessVagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>York,</p><p>I'm sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Letter for the Dead

York,

I’ll be honest, this is pretty useless if you ask me, but people always say putting your feelings on paper helps, so... I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I really am. If I had just stopped fighting, just listened to you, then we could have left, could have escaped that God forsaken project and survived. Together. We could have lived, could have been... well, I guess it’s too late for could have beens. I wish Texas wouldn’t have shown up, wouldn’t have gotten underneath my skin so much. I was spending more time training, more time trying to be perfect, and I didn’t even realize it meant less time with you and everyone else. A simple equation like that didn’t even occur to me. You were always the one good at equations, though, weren’t you? I bet Delta helped you out with those. I’m glad you had him with you, after you left. But, maybe I didn’t even care at that point, and… I should have. I should have cared, York. I took you for granted, and I’m sorry for that too. I never even realized that no matter how hard I tried, I could never beat Tex. She was programmed for this, after all, and if I had realized that sooner, how much time would it have saved? How many lives? How many more memories would I have been able to make with you? How many less goodbyes would have been said at funerals for soldiers who might not have even been able to have their bodies recovered for their caskets? 

I don’t like to think about those most of all. I never liked goodbyes, you know. I can’t believe I was so obsessed with being the best, with pleasing the Director, with staying at the top of that stupid, digital blue board, that I never even attempted considering what things must have been like on the other side of the fire fight. You did that a lot more than I did, apparently; Wash told me he heard you and North having those kinds of talks sometimes.

I could have loved you, you know. If I had spent less time in the training room and more time with the makeshift family you had. We would have been an impossible team, fit to even beat Tex, really. But, I never got that chance, did I? Even now, when I think about it, about you and the old team, I can’t bring myself to love you. It doesn’t feel right, doesn’t feel like it should have if it actually happened. Maybe in another time, in another life, where we both have more peaceful lives. I have to wonder, though, did you love me? Did I ever give you a reason to? I doubt it. You were loyal, I’ll give you that, but I can’t seem to tell if that was your way of showing me that you did care for me as more than a fellow soldier. A fellow friend. And maybe that’s one of the things I regret the most. That I didn’t spend enough time trying to figure you out, how your head worked, and why you did the things you did.

I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more time. I’m sorry I didn’t stop to listen, didn’t follow you when all you wanted was my help. In the end, you wanted to help me the most, anyway. I’m sorry for everything that happened in Project Freelancer, and I’m sorry for everything that happened to you. I only hope you understand why I did everything.

Carolina Church.


End file.
